The First of The Last(s)

Another day, another week, another year and yet another semester. Just what makes this particular one worth blogging about? (here's the part where I like to delude myself that this blog has some standards...)
Well, it just happens to be the last semester (hopefully) that I shall spend at NITK, Surathkal, my second home for the past three and a half years. Today, I began my eighth semester with the usual frustrating queues for paying mundane fees, something that can easily be avoided by the tiniest bit of computerisation. As I finished every frustrating formality that could be possibly devised, I realised one thing - that however much I may gripe, crib or complain about the procedure, there is going to be a part of me (in this case, a very very small part) that will actually miss such tasks. I realised that this was probably the last time I was going to stand in a line, trying to get past reluctant people with shouts of "final year, final year". And then it hit me - It's going to be one long semester of "last-times". The last Inci, the last Engi (already over, courtesy our administration) the last time we sat on the terrace, the last time on the beach, the last time at the temple, the last time at the top of the lighthouse, the last time getting high on cheap booze. (for the more experimental among my friends!) I also realised one other thing - I don't have to feel bad that it's the "last time". All I need to do is ensure that I stay happy, and try to enjoy every moment of this semester. Sure as hell, it promises to be like no other. So, here's wishing all my fellow "final" years - Happy new year, and a very happy last semester! May this be the best "last-time" ever!

NITK Lingo - Part 2 (I think)

As the title may have suggested, I am a) Highly jobless b) Extremely bored and c) Without a source of inspiration. As a result, I have fallen back upon my tried-and-tested method of recycling old topics. I'm not too sure how many of you actually read the previous post on this topic, (I'm guessing not too many - people grow smart with experience :D) but here's a quick recap on the need for this post.
If you've ever been in a college/institution or even a particular group of friends, you would have probably come across a lot of phrases/words that mean nothing to you at first. Things like "GG", "Imba" sound like moronic babbling rather than meaningful expressions. (In case you were wondering what those two words mean, please read this - it should help) After a while, you finally begin to understand that people around you are not cretins, but are rather doing what humans do best - evolve a social custom. (What's that? Am I going to get to the point or not? Alright, alright, someone's grumpy!) Well, the point is this: NITK is (almost - don't get me started on what this place lacks with respect to human-resource) no different from any other organised society. We have a set of expressions and idioms that would make absolutely no sense whatsoever to someone on the outside. Here are my favourites:

1. "Well Played": Contrary to popular interpretations, we are not applauding sportsmanship of any kind here. We simply mean that you have successfully done something that you didn't want to other person to know you were doing, without him/her understanding what you intended on doing all along. Confused? The following conversation should make things a bit clear. Person 1 (dying to tell someone about his new shirt): "Hey, is that a new shirt?" Person 2(a little taken aback, because the shirt he is wearing is at least two years old): "No man, it's not. Hey aren't you wearing a new shirt?" Person 1: "Why yes, I am. I didn't even realise" In such a scenario, we say "well-played" (repeatedly) to Person 1.
2. "Awb" or "Ob": This one is quite straightforward. The word is simply a short-form for "obvious". Unfortunately, some people here use it to a level that would make purists of the language bay for their infidel blood. "How's the mess food?" "Awb, man" "How was class?" "Awb" "How was the exam?" "Awb" (though "GG" is an extremely popular substitute here) "How are you feeling?" "Awb" "Are you going out somewhere?" "Awb". Get the picture? It isn't exactly the Queens' English, I'm afraid.
3. "Whursht": This is a derivation from the word "worst", but it is pronounced the way I have spelt it. Basically, it means that something is really, really bad. Not just bad, (we call it "bad" then - we can still talk in usual English, you know) but really horrible. For example: "How was dinner?" "Whursht" - this means that the food was quite simply, hopeless, and you would be wise to avoid it, wallet permitting, of course.
   
4. "Pawned": This word has originated from the gaming world. (DOTA, I think) It essentially means that you've been thoroughly and positively beaten. Apart from "GG" this is another popular word to describe what happens in an examination. An example - "How was the paper?" "Got nicely pawned"

Well, there you have it. A sample of the expressions that we use, and what they actually mean. I'm sure I've missed many, so feel free to add to the list.

Dirt

Warning: Slightly serious post below.

I've noticed something about us Indians. In general, we tend to treat ourselves like dirt. Anything good that we do is more often than not met with comments like "How long will it last" or something to that effect. Any facility provided (by the govt.) for our comfort (yes, it does happen, even in India) is often hardly used or better still, mis-used. Case in point: My department labs. The standard procedure in our labs to switch off the air-conditioners towards the end of the session (generally an hour before). This is followed irrespective of whether students or teachers are in the lab. Presumably, this bright idea was conceived during the rainy season (for the uninitiated, my college has two seasons - heavy rain or intense heat) and was deemed reasonable. Unfortunately, someone forgot to change this rule (of sorts) with the change in season.
All right, all right. What's a bit of heat? I don't mind sweating it out a bit for the sake of the planet.
What I do not appreciate is double standards. During today's lab, we had a professor/student who had come from abroad. (possibly European?) By this time the AC had been switched off as per the rules. Promptly, the lab in-charge switched them on again. Why? So that we can impress the foreigner with the fact that we have ACs as well? So that he wouldn't feel the full heat of our miserable summer? Why does something have to be provided only to him. If he gets to benefit at the expense of my government's money, why can't I? Why do I have to suffer in 100% humidity when an alternative is available? It's because I'm a lowly Indian and hence I don't deserve it.
That's the problem with us. We treat ourselves like dirt and cry foul when the rest of the world does the same.

Status Messages :-) (Part 3)

This just goes on and on. I'm not sure that this batch of status messages are funnier that the last lot, but I'll put them up anyway. (owing to complete, utter and absolute boredom) Here's what caught my eye:
1) "Affected with DWS! Dota Withdrawal Syndrome": Hmmm... For the uninitiated, let me clarify that this is not a drug-addict trying to stay off the stuff. And yes, Dota is that famous game, Defense of the blah-blah. (I can almost hear the shouts of "heretic") Now let's get to the actual status message. Here is a guy, at home for the vacations, complaining about the lack of a... video game. Tah dah! Forget water (actually there when you need it - unlike college), food (amazing - unlike college) and electricity (reasonably continous - unlike college). We want DOTA. We want mind-numbing alternate reality. We want mass hypnotism. We want DOTA. One thing I'll concede though - At least the chap wasn't missing WoW. What is WoW? Check my previous post for the details. It'll tell you all you need to know.
2) So-and-so "is aaaaaarrrrghhing": One, two, three... Six. Yes, I got the number of a's right. I'm a bit confused. Just what does this mean? Is this chap trying (unsuccessfully, apparently) to clear his throat? Is he trying to impress us with his (unheard, thankfully) vocal talent? I'm not sure even he knows.
3) "Lord Percy Percy": Here's a classic. Just what does this mean? This late at night, I'm not even close to guessing what went on in this person's mind. Can someone enlighten me? And who the f*** is Percy anyway?
Well, these were a few status messages that I found funny. (this being the key part...) Does anyone else have any others?

P.S. This article is meant to be taken in a lighter vein. Nothing personal.

The Best (or Worst - depends on your point of view) Pick-up Lines

First off, let me clarify. All the below statements are nothing but the pure, undisputed truth. Cross my heart, no fabrications what so ever.
I thought I'd list out a few pick-up lines that I heard so far. Nothing but the unvarnished truth, I tell you! These were heard by self or related to me by sources whose integrity is above question. Please feel free to use them without any fear of a copyright. (except no. 3)
1) "I love Rajasthani lassi" - OK. Assuming there is something called Rajasthani "lassi", the line would work perfectly - if you were looking at a homely, loves-cooking-and-serving-darling-boyfriend/husband girl from the state with the alleged milk product. Now the question is: Would you really want her?
2) "I got 98.1% in my 12th board exams" - Wow! I don't think there could be any other response. I mean 98.1??? Get out of here. The girl knows she's getting the cream-of-crop so to speak.
3) "Tweeeee(n)ty" (Alternately - "My name is Heda") - Statutory Warning: This works only on BD/Sharon. It will, repeat will backfire if used on anyone else. (boy or girl, we all have our standards!)
4) "I kinda maybe wanna not-sure-really go umm.... perhaaaps... out wiiiiiiiith.... you" - OK. Any self respecting girl would leave after the 'maybe'. I really don't know what this guy was thinking. I don't think he realised that he wasn't in the chem lab anymore, faced with a particularly shady titration value.

Please feel free to add some that you've heard of. Again, honesty is the best policy ;)

Status Messages :-) (Part 2)

OK, this post is a wee bit repetitive in its topic but not its content. It is about weird and funny status messages I've come across in Gtalk. Seems like my friends are intent on giving me a good laugh every once in a while. So, here goes:
1) "Unavailable": This is what prompted me to write this article. The person in question has a nice green dot next to his name while the status was set to "Unavailable". Now who's to tell him that normal people consider green on Gtalk = available. Almost everyone (excluding members of crackpots-inc.) considers green to mean go/free/open etc. It was with this common sense knowledge that Google set green = available. Either he has a very clingy (and dumb) someone he hopes to fool or he's just plain bonkers. I have a feeling it's the latter. (Though anyone wanting to contact him that often has to be dumb)
2) "Russian Rock Machans :-)": Hmmm... What does this mean? What are its implications for the quasi-static universe of Gaudi art? Does the person who wrote this have any connections to the abyss beyond? Does he/she hope to renew longing for the metaphysical universe of retro-moderno-virtuso-writing? Your guess is as good as mine. I'm no expert on ancient calls to departed spirits :) And what's with the smiley? Anybody willing to enlighten me on the meaning of 'Machans' and how it applies to Russian rock? (whatever that is...)
3) "The Year of The Prime": OK. Prime WHAT? Jackass? Nitwit? Fool? Empty-Headed-Psychopath? I really don't think we were meant to get what it means. I'll have to report this to the committee handling the Roswell cases. Sounds suspiciously like an ET communique to me.
4) "Good God!! It's Working!! Eureka!! (no, m nt runnin around :P)": I don't even want to know what you're doing. If you're discovering the joys of something for the first time, you don't have to tell the world about it. Come on, spare us! Think of the minds that you're messing with. We're never going to be the same again. Please! Have mercy! Noooooooooo..... Btw, what are you doing anyway?

As before, I've run out of status messages I can insult. Please do add anything you can think of. We could always do with some extra laughs :)

P.S. This article is meant to be read in a lighter vein. Don't get angry, for I don't mean any harm.

Love Is...

Just what is love? Yes, that 'L' word you choose to describe in your own special way. And NO, this article makes absolutely no reference to girls. (Is that a sigh of frustration or relief that I hear? You know the saying: "Once bitten twice shy". Well, apply it here)
I thought I'd describe love in a more day-to-day manner - related to stuff that we do rather than fantasies that are just not coming true. Not yet anyway. So here goes:
Love is... What I feel towards writing. (Feel free to comment. I'm sure plenty is heading my way)
Love is... What Poi feels for Mugsy.
Love is... What Rushil feels for... (not Aditi, give me a break!) flirting with.. well innocent foreigners.
Love is... What Raghavan feels when he belts others.
Love is... What Heda feels for Sharon. (Sorry BD!)
Love is... What Sharon feels for Gamedrome (3 days w/o a bathroom break - the man's head-over-heels in love with that place)
Love is... What pEACE feels when he's on MATLAB
Love is... What Bala feels for Sheki (I can't possibly wrong on this one, can I?)
Love is... What Sheki feels when he's describing Open Source.
Love is... What Prashant has for his bike.
Love is... What Ponky feels towards the very latest gossip, news and headlines. Oh, add Obama to that list.
Love is... What Bazi feels for his Comp (and U.P.S. !)
Love is... What Vicky feels when on the phone.
Love is... I'll just leave this blank for now... Feel free to add more examples of your own.

Status Messages :-)

"An unhappy nine pointer" - Recently seen as the status message of a 'famous' second (now third) year. For most people, unhappiness and a GPA of nine are mutually exclusive. Obviously someone up there forgot to provide my friend with common sense. I do hope he realises that one of his professors gives a perfect 10 for writing DOTA stories instead of the subject. Lucky guy!!!
"Is this love?" - I really wonder what was going through this character's mind. Loss? Longing? Or was it simply the shock of having found himself a girlfriend at last? Perhaps it was the realization that he was gay after all. Dear roomie(s), I'd run and hide if I were you.
"It just had to be him" (along with a portrait shot of Barack Obama) - This is at least easy to understand. The guy's in love with poor Mr. Obama and cannot help himself when it comes to the Democratic presidential nominee. Travel advice to Mr. Obama: Please avoid visting India while this chap is around. I don't think the Secret Service can handle such threats. Just ask NITK (specifically IE) seniors.
"Status Message :P" - Now here's creativity for you. Very original. Fantastic expression of inner feelings. What prose! Mind-blowing. Outstanding. Stunning.
"From Quantum Computing to SETI, we've got it all" - Eh? Huh? Um... just what does this person hope to convey by that? Who in god's name are "we"? And what the hell is this cryptic soul talking about? I'd be interested only if "got it all" includes free food. (Funny because the person who wrote this is none other than... ahem... drumroll please... me!!! Shows how crazy I really am.)
Poor Gtalk. I would have thought that even the internet has some standards.

NITK Lingo

Here at NITK, we have a number of words which are at first glance, simply bizarre. Words like "imba", "gg", "shaata" etc. when used in front of people not from here often illicit a response like: "huh???" "what was that???" or best of all, a simple bewildered "eh???". I've often had to check myself mid-sentence and change what I was about to say. Let's face it, sentences like: "If there's a john D test tomorrow, gg only" make little or no sense to outsiders. Worse, they lower their already rock-bottom estimate of our intelligence. We go from being cretins to cretins who talk gibberish. Not good.
I've put together the words most commonly used at our institution and their intended meaning: (note - due to the evolving nature of this language, the meanings conveyed here may no longer be accurate)
1) Imba: complete version- Imbalanced, cut short to "imba". (the lesser the syllables the better) meaning- Used to describe something extraordinarily good. origin- That mother of all shag games, DOTA. The word "imba" was first used by the DOTA players in college but soon became endemic among the junta. example- "The food there is imba."
2) GG: complete version- Good Game. (again same funda as "imba" - the shorter the better) meaning- used when describing a lost cause or something that's hopeless. origin- Again, DOTA. The word is used when one side is getting thrashed. Soon all the loosing side's players begin saying "gg" implying that they've lost. The word is endemic among gamers and certain groups of second years. example- "If there's a surprise test tomorrow, its gg for us". For those of you wondering what in god's good name I'm talking about, let me translate the above phrase: "If there's a surprise test tomorrow, We're screwed."
3) Shaata: complete version- shaata itself. (the usual rule does not apply. We're not that lazy!) meaning- used to ridicule something. The word has kannada origins and I'd rather not speak about the original word's meaning. example- Idiot 1:"That book is really good." Idiot2:"Shaata. It sucks."
4) Arbit: complete version- arbitrary. meaning- something that makes no sense/something that has no reason for its existence. example- "That movie was some arbit nonsense."
Well, there you have it. Four of the most common vernaculars in college. Utter nonsense to anyone but us. The words sound like they've been formed by someone who's severely sleep-deprived and probably drugged. (hey! that reminds me of someone - rather a group of someones) They make lesser sense than Jodhaa-Akbar. However, at the end of the day, who cares? We like them and that's all that counts.

Eligible Bachelors

Twenty One. There are a lot of things you can do when you're twenty one. You're legally allowed in most states to purchase alcohol (not that being underage stops anyone), and for those desperate few, you can also get married.
To get married, you need a girl. However, finding one is not easy. In order to help my friends (and myself) out, I've put together the following profiles. These profiles are ready-to-use for any popular marriage portal.

For most of us:

H'SOME (like I'd say otherwise - beauty is in the eye of the beholder) boy 21/5'blahblah/to-be-confirmed-not-yet-placed-you-see P.A. Studying in NITK. Prospective Btech looking for b'ful, qualified girl (NO. Actually I'd like an ugly, uneducated dimwit but if you insist I'd settle for the others). Preferably single. Must meet mummy's QC. Interested parties may contact: imsokewlimgay@blahblah.com

For the picky (read raving lunatics) few:

EXCELLENT (Compared to what? The devil is in the detail) boy 21/whatever/not-to-be-disclosed-this-isn't-about-selling-myself P.A. Studying in prestigious college. Prospective Btech looking for conservative and homely girl. Manglik needn't apply. Pure brahmin heritage essential (on both sides - I'm not going to be short-changed). Height less than mine (I'm in control, not you - nyah nyah). Subversive attitude must. Girls who can't cook needn't bother applying. Interested parties may contact: male_supremist@blahblah.com

A Little About This Blog

Every article in this blog is just that. An article. That's it. I do NOT want anyone to feel bad on account of anything I write. If anything at all is amiss according to you, please do contact me and I WILL remove it ASAP.