What we say (but actually mean)

Have I written on this topic before? Ah! Who cares? (It's not like anyone wants to read such stuff anyway :D)

I recently read an article which said that people often don't say what they mean. It got me thinking. I realised that we (by this I mean people in general - with a few exceptions, of course) almost always say things that ought to be said. We say things that more often than not, hide the real truth. For example: Some really irritating person you're trying your absolute hardest to avoid comes up to you and says "Will you come to the party I've arranged at my house friday night?". You really can't tell him/her that you wouldn't be caught dead at that oh-so-lame "party". So what do you do? You lie through your teeth. What I've heard most often is this: "I'll really try my best to make it. I've got something else planned but I'll see if I can cancel it. I'll call you OK?". The poor fellow doesn't realise that you'd probably clean the neighbourhood drains to escape. There. Crisis solved. The person in question feels happy, you feel happy. End of story.
Unfortunately, we seem to have taken white lies like these a little too far. The other day, I was meeting up with a group of friends. A couple of them were late. (as usual) One of us called them up and asked how long would they take to arrive. "Defi, ten more minutes" was the reply. We waited. The ten minute mark came and went. A good fifty minutes later these two arrived and with a sheepish expression, told us how bad the traffic was. "Then why did you lie about the time", I asked. "Dunno, just thought it was a time-pass question". Time-pass indeed.
The moral of this story? We lie for anything and everything today. "Ten" minutes is more like an hour and "I'll try" is most definitely a NO. Personally, I'd prefer it if we could stop speaking in riddles. Honestly.

How to Tell A Convincing Lie

I'm home and I'm quite jobless. As a result, there's going to be a lot more where this came from. (What's that? A groan? Or was that a resigned sigh?)

For those who've noticed the topic and wondering when on earth I'm going to get to it, let me not prolong the agony. Over the past few months, I've witnessed a lot of people (including myself) tell a lot of lies. Some were successful, the others got themselves deeper into trouble. That's the problem with a lie. If you don't pull it off, you're worse off than when you started. Here are a few things I've noticed about good lies:
1) Give a lot of details. But not so much that it becomes obvious that you have no idea what you're talking about. You also need to give believable details about what happened. If you say things like "I ate good food at the mess tonight", well you're asking to be caught fibbing. If you say that you found a slug in the curry, then you're going to be believed instantly.
2) Do not give the other person time to think. Say the lie quickly and ask whatever you wish to ask for. Make sure you keep talking, as most people will say "yes" just to shut you up. (works with me all the time :D)
3) Try flattery. Skipped one too many a class? No problem. Just say things like "I really wanted to attend, but..." or "The so-and-so topic is really interesting, I've already asked some to explain it to me but..." and most people believe you without question. Although, you'd better remember not to overdo it.
4) Use a firm voice and be sure of what you're going to say. There's nothing worse that saying "I wasn't able to do so-an-so thing because um..... a.... what I meant to say was..... eh..... I was um..... doing so and so thing." You've lost the game at the first "um".
Well, there you have it. A few ways to tell a convincing lie. Too bad they never work for me... (excluding the "yes-just-please-stop-talking-for-god's-sake" one)