21

This post is a tad late (apart from being perhaps the most random thing that I've ever written - I blame it on utter boredom), considering the fact that I turned 21 a couple of months ago. Turning 21 ought to be a watershed moment in a person's life, considering the fact that the said person should have (by now) at least a faint inkling of what he/she wants to do with his/her life. In that regard, I'm still lost in the proverbial jungle of confusion. All I'm sure about is what I don't want to do. Philosophical rambling apart, here's a list of things that I can now, legally and legitimately given my "mature" age (please note that the audience laughter sign is being held up), choose to do.

1. Legally Purchase Alcohol (in most states of India): Yesssss! This is the big moment that I've been waiting for. Till now, I've been the model of sobriety only because the law says that I have to. Now I can really break loose. Gone are the days of restraint. No longer am I bound by the shackles of our legal system. I don't need to fear anyone, for I can now legally demand my single-malt-scotch-on-the-rocks. (read coke-spiked-with-Mysore-Lancer) Muhahaha (Audience benefits from evil laughter sound), no one can stop me now!
   What's that? In the two months since my birthday (and for as long as I can remember - in spite of plenty of opportunities to change the status-quo), I've been as sober as a judge? Doesn't that toss the "21-I'm-free-time-to-get-wild" theory right out the window? Well, as they say, there's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip :P
   
2. Officially Get Married: (Audience may now collectively gasp) Wow! Here's something that I just can't wait to do. Oh, joy! I've been dying to let myself into a hallowed life of boredom and monotony. Let me go through the check list needed to ensure that "the big day" goes off smoothly. Willing groom (Audience may NOT laugh) - check. Location (Audience is left wondering - think "cheap", heck "free") - check. Willing Bride - hmmm... Damn! I knew I forgot something. Let me start with something simpler. Steady Girlfriend? Nope. Any Girlfriend, ever? Nope. So where does that leave the great wedding plan? Well, as has been admirably put before, "We've been scuppered, Mate".
3. Legally Walk into a Night Club (not just in India, but anywhere in the world): Yippee! Here's something that I've always wanted to do. I'm the quintessential party animal, dude! (Audience may request for doggy-bags, to store the unpleasant effects of nausea) You cannot believe how much I've wanted to sweat it out in a smoky, hazy, ill-lit, alcohol-filled dungeon. I just love showing off my moves on the dance floor. The world of raving (literally!) lunatics is about to get a whole lot more interesting. Watch out!

Well, I've run out of activities that are legally open only to people over 21. (There's a limit to boredom, thankfully!) Have I missed out on anything interesting?

NITK Lingo - Part 2 (I think)

As the title may have suggested, I am a) Highly jobless b) Extremely bored and c) Without a source of inspiration. As a result, I have fallen back upon my tried-and-tested method of recycling old topics. I'm not too sure how many of you actually read the previous post on this topic, (I'm guessing not too many - people grow smart with experience :D) but here's a quick recap on the need for this post.
If you've ever been in a college/institution or even a particular group of friends, you would have probably come across a lot of phrases/words that mean nothing to you at first. Things like "GG", "Imba" sound like moronic babbling rather than meaningful expressions. (In case you were wondering what those two words mean, please read this - it should help) After a while, you finally begin to understand that people around you are not cretins, but are rather doing what humans do best - evolve a social custom. (What's that? Am I going to get to the point or not? Alright, alright, someone's grumpy!) Well, the point is this: NITK is (almost - don't get me started on what this place lacks with respect to human-resource) no different from any other organised society. We have a set of expressions and idioms that would make absolutely no sense whatsoever to someone on the outside. Here are my favourites:

1. "Well Played": Contrary to popular interpretations, we are not applauding sportsmanship of any kind here. We simply mean that you have successfully done something that you didn't want to other person to know you were doing, without him/her understanding what you intended on doing all along. Confused? The following conversation should make things a bit clear. Person 1 (dying to tell someone about his new shirt): "Hey, is that a new shirt?" Person 2(a little taken aback, because the shirt he is wearing is at least two years old): "No man, it's not. Hey aren't you wearing a new shirt?" Person 1: "Why yes, I am. I didn't even realise" In such a scenario, we say "well-played" (repeatedly) to Person 1.
2. "Awb" or "Ob": This one is quite straightforward. The word is simply a short-form for "obvious". Unfortunately, some people here use it to a level that would make purists of the language bay for their infidel blood. "How's the mess food?" "Awb, man" "How was class?" "Awb" "How was the exam?" "Awb" (though "GG" is an extremely popular substitute here) "How are you feeling?" "Awb" "Are you going out somewhere?" "Awb". Get the picture? It isn't exactly the Queens' English, I'm afraid.
3. "Whursht": This is a derivation from the word "worst", but it is pronounced the way I have spelt it. Basically, it means that something is really, really bad. Not just bad, (we call it "bad" then - we can still talk in usual English, you know) but really horrible. For example: "How was dinner?" "Whursht" - this means that the food was quite simply, hopeless, and you would be wise to avoid it, wallet permitting, of course.
   
4. "Pawned": This word has originated from the gaming world. (DOTA, I think) It essentially means that you've been thoroughly and positively beaten. Apart from "GG" this is another popular word to describe what happens in an examination. An example - "How was the paper?" "Got nicely pawned"

Well, there you have it. A sample of the expressions that we use, and what they actually mean. I'm sure I've missed many, so feel free to add to the list.

C'est La Vie!

It's the most discussed emotion, and perhaps the least understood. It has sunk ships, destroyed cities, dethroned emperors and made many seemingly wise men loose their heads. It is also one of the few things that can't really be bought or inherited. Yes, it's that one incomprehensible, illogical yet mandatory emotion, love.
Heh Heh! How was that introduction? Who says you can't make something seem a lot bigger than what it actually is? Who says you can't make the mundane seem magical? Agreed, the above paragraph was a quite pathetic attempt, but you get the picture. In the hands of a competent writer, anything can be made to be bigger than it actually is. Just ask Bollywood.
But seriously, I'd better get to the point before you start cursing your judgement to read this. (if you're still here, of course :D) This post was inspired by a Wodehouse novel that I was reading. (Damsel in Distress, if anyone's curious) Anyone who has read a few Wodehouse novels will be quite familiar with the general layout of any particular book. Man/Woman falls in love with Woman/Man. Due to an unfortunate set of circumstances, said Man/Woman finds himself/herself betrothed to some poor soul who is in love with yet another person. Throw in a bit of English aristocracy, a rural English castle, and you have the makings of a hilarious, light-hearted yet plausible adventure. One of the many interesting parts to this plot caught my eye in this novel. Whenever the feeling of "love" is described in a Wodehouse novel, it is often accompanied by descriptions of the room spinning around the protagonist, the heavens descending in the form of singing angels, the very ground beneath seeming to give way etc. In short, love is described as something that occurs at first sight. Bang! And you are now "in love". Forget "getting to know" someone or "feeling your way" around. You are supposed to know that you are in love, instantly.
While this concept works wonderfully in the world of fiction, can a scenario like this ever occur in the more prosaic world that we live in? The romantic in me (yes, yes, contrary to popular belief, I'm not made of stone - I do have some semblance of emotion as well) certainly hopes so. The other part of me is highly sceptical. The couples that I've seen come together, have done so through a far more mundane route. Months of seemingly innocent conversation, followed by several more months of waiting while one of the partners gathers the necessary courage to actually do something that could lead to the start of a "relationship". This is followed presumably (I'm barely 21 - most couples I know haven't got much further than the hand-holding stage - I refer to mental progress, not physical) by a few years of "getting to know him/her" and maybe, if all things go well, marriage. That's certainly a far cry from the "love-at-first-sight-live-happily-ever-after" that we are all exposed to in our channels of entertainment. Why is there such a huge gap between fiction and reality? Is it because we would like to make-believe that ours isn't a monotonous, boring and lacklustre world? Or is it because of the fact that love at first sight isn't a myth, just something that is fleetingly rare? I hope that it's the latter, (and I hope that I am, someday, the "lucky one") but I suspect that it's the former. As they say, C'est la vie!

A Good Bookstore (rather, the lack of one)

For those of you who are new here, I study in a college near Mangalore, a city in Karnataka. It's a city like any other, with its own peculiarities, merits and demerits. This post is about something that Mangalore lacks. Apart from the "big-city" feel, (Yes, yes, I know, I know - Bangalore is not exactly a very "happening" place but at least it's alive after 9 PM, which is more than I can say for this place - all that it lacks to complete the ghost-town effect is the howling of wolves :D) Mangalore doesn't seem to have a decent bookstore. (Hey, I like to read, a lot in fact - what's wrong with that? Perfectly normal, which would make a first about me :P) The solitary mall is reasonably well stocked with a wide variety of commodities on offer. (chilled sugarcane juice, anyone?) There's a multiplex, for the creatively starved, (although some of the films make the use of this word very, very generous) good scenery for those in need of aesthetics, (:D) and good food for starving stomachs. (as my sister once put it - anything and everything tastes good after the mess)
One thing sorely missing is a decent bookstore. There are a couple of pretenders, but I seriously doubt whether any self-respecting person would venture to call them "bookstores". That description would be equivalent to calling the Grand Canyon a "hole in the ground" or describing the Eiffel tower as "nifty, but an awful waste of steel". The range of books at these stores is quite pathetic. The owners' literary sense ranges from Mills-and-Boons (seriously, two full racks??? Get a life, please!) to what I like to call "Thrash Fiction" - the very latest in "one-man-one-mission-life-or-death-blah-blah" thrillers. Where is the Wodehouse? Where is the Le Carre? Where is the Julian Barnes, the Sebastian Faulks or even the Ian Rankin?
Alright, I get the fact that my literary taste is unique, (a diplomatic way of putting it :D) and most people would rather run a mile in tight shoes than read some of the books that I like. In fact, most people get the impression that I'm slightly cuckoo, primarily because of the stuff that I read. However, it's what I like. All I'm asking for is a bit of choice. That's it. It's hardly difficult, is it?

Experience and Maturity (or the lack of both :D)

Yes, I know. I seriously need to learn how to come up with better titles for my posts. "Experience and Maturity" - seriously??? Sounds like a bloody platitude. I'm the very last person you should take advice from, believe me. This brings me to my point (I'd bet the word "finally" is going through most people's head right now :D)
Can someone be mature without doing stupid things? The inspiration behind this very irrelevant thought is a conversation I had had with one of my friends. (I have these sort of conversations surprisingly often, given that my EQ is best left undisclosed) During the course of this particular conversation, I picked up on the fact that I may tend to come across as "boring" to most people. (@friend: If you are reading this, no need to clarify your position. I know that "boring" isn't in your description of me ;D) That's true, and I really don't give a damn about it. What was also implied was that I seemed to be "mature" or I had a "level-head". In short, I was the steady, stable guy, as opposed to the "wild" one. Those particular words got me thinking (a sure sign of trouble, isn't it :P) - Can someone be mature without having done stupid things? By "stupid things" I mean the sort of things 20-year-olds do behind their parents' back - dope, booze, sex etc. (Just to clarify, my view on these things is very liberal - You want to do something, go ahead and do it. None of my concern, and I'm nobody to judge) Do you need to actually do these things and then stop doing them, (paradoxical, right?) before you can say that you have grown wiser? Does the saying "wise men learn from others' mistakes" apply here? Or do you need to learn from your own mistakes?
If it's the latter case, I guess I have the maturity of a toddler. (coupled with the emotional range of a teaspoon, it makes for a great combination - just ask some of my friends :D) Heck, even if it's the former, I don't think I've actually learned much - I still feel like I'm fifteen years old, at best. I most definitely don't look any older.

Smile a Little!

Have you noticed something strange about certain people (I don't have anyone specific in mind, just a certain class of people, of either sex, in case you were wondering... :D)? Smile at them, and all you get in response is a determined look in the other direction. This is often coupled with an expression that seems to be comparing you with the scum-at-the-bottom-of-the-pond, or worse, the-dirt-underfoot. I just don't get it. Why can't people smile back? It's not like their precious smile is a limited commodity, to be doled out sparingly, at best. And it's not as if I'm a walking freak-show, to be avoided like the bloody plague.
Come on, all I'm asking for is a bit of civil conduct, nothing more. I'm a human being, just like you. I don't expect anything from you. If I want something, I'll ask. Then you can look away and frown. But if I just smile at you, basic courtesy says that you smile back. I may not know you from Tom, Dick or Harry, (or the female equivalent, if you prefer) but I expect a certain level of civilisation from you. It's what separates you and me from the animals.
In case the above paragraphs seem to be written in anger, nothing could be further from the truth. It's more pity than anything else, to see that we've "advanced" to a stage where we don't seem to want to acknowledge a stranger's (sometimes it isn't even a stranger) presence. All we care about is ourselves, our small circle of friends, (if that at all) along with our petty lives. Sad.

Diplomacy

This post was inspired by an article I read. (It's a relatively short post - that should keep your agony to a bare minimum :P)

One of my friends had written on how she speaks without thinking and hence gets into trouble. I really can sympathise. My nature (ask my friends for further details - you'll probably get angry rants, diplomatic silences or simple dismissals - "Who, him? Sucks!") is something that could be best described as naively honest. I really don't pay attention to what I say or when I say it. As a result, I'm prone to saying the wrong things at the worst possible times. It has gotten me into trouble several times, often for the silliest of reasons. What's the option? Be diplomatic? Sure, that could work. However, the way I see it, a lot of diplomatic people make for a very boring/irritating group. Each member will keep tripping over the other, in order to be politically correct. Fruitful discussions would be impossible, with no one person willing to criticize the other. The way I see it, sometimes, in order to gain something from a discussion, a spade needs to be called, well, a spade. The proverbial elephant in the room needs to be spoken about. You can't simply ignore it, expecting it to slink away unnoticed. (The imagery on this one is hilarious - just visualize it :D)

It's sad how everyone says they appreciate honesty, when all they actually prefer is mild flattery. Disguising your true feelings in what others really want to hear, rather than simply expressing them, does indeed work. I guess that's what diplomacy is all about.

A Matter of Change

No, this post is not about something important/relevant/serious. The title is misleading, as usual.
It's about a strange thing that I've noticed in people. It's got to do with that fact that NOBODY, ever gives me change for a 100 rupee note. Whether I ask a shopkeeper, hawker, auto-driver, bus-conductor (who by simple deduction should have LOADS of change) or even well-dressed passers-by, the result is the same. They look at me as if I'm selling contraband (Psst... wanna buy some stuff???) and shake their heads. (I'd use a few choice words to describe their heads, but that's the subject of another post) At first I thought that it was the fact that I was speaking English that was the problem. Nope! Kannada and Hindi requests (yes, yes, laugh away - but I do speak other languages, and quite legibly at that) end up eliciting the same damn response.
For heavens' sake! it's not as if I'm giving them a fake note. They can check it if they like. It's as easy as holding the thing up against the light and looking at the conspicuous security thread. The note is most definitely genuine. This isn't the 60s anymore, where a Rs 100 note was a rare item, prone to forgery. Further more, do I look capable of a crime? I mean, seriously, look closer. I barely look 18, let alone a hardened forger.
What then, is the issue with helping someone acquire a bit of change? From any angle, changing notes looks beneficial to all the parties concerned. Person A in need of change, gets it and Person B replaces a bundle of notes with a single note. (highly beneficial, considering the fact that Person B a.k.a shopkeeper/conductor/hawker has an excess of change, which he/she isn't possibly going to need) I've tried to come up with an explanation, but I can't seem to find anything apart from the fact that people are just plain rude.

Don't Point Fingers!

This post is inspired by something I read on Sheki's blog. (link) It isn't closely related, I just thought I'd share the origins of this post. (To dispel the myth that I was abducted and brainwashed by aliens) I'd also like to thank Sheki, for jump-starting my writing instincts. (You now know who's responsible for the horror below :D)
Have you ever met an NRI who comes back to India and then complains about everything and anything? Most of their criticism is valid but some of it gets under my skin. Statements like "Indian politicians are corrupt", "Indians drive rashly" etc. are all perfectly valid and make sense. What does not make sense, however, are statements related to ecological conservation and awareness. Statements like "Indians don't know how to recycle" or "Indians aren't educated enough to care about the environment". What? Excuse me, but I don't think someone staying in a country (US) that consumes and pollutes the most (by far - almost SIX times, if you check on a per-capita basis) has any right to teach us how to recycle. My issue is not with one country, but with the developed world in general. On my previous visit to Germany, I noticed something peculiar. To recycle a plastic bottle, they had these fancy machines at the supermarket. The idea was to automatically segregate the waste. Good idea, but I wonder if it makes any difference. The reason I say this is because of the way the machine works. You feed in a bottle. The entire thing lights up, much like a Christmas tree, multiple laser beams scan the bottle (looking for what, I can't imagine), two or three flaps open, close and open again, and then finally a compartment opens up, and the bottle is sucked in. Yay! They have just sorted a single plastic bottle, not realising the amount of time and electricity wasted in the process.
In India, we have a very unfortunate, yet efficient waste management system - the local rag-picker. In India, we've been recycling out of economic necessity for decades. All the while, the developed world has wasted resources in ever-increasing quantities. Using huge, gas guzzling SUVs for a drive round the corner, using paper to clean everything - and I mean everything, keeping the lights and ACs on - even when there is no one at the office - the list is endless.
When the Nano was launched, there was long discussion (on a website forum) about the harmful ecological effects of adding cheap cars to the roads. One of the readers had slammed Tata motors, saying that the ecological cost of have having so many cars was simply too much. Another reader, a professor, replied to the effect that the the first world had far too many inefficient vehicles to be preaching, and after all "The industrialised world has already ruined the environment through development, why can't India be allowed to do the same?".
While I do not advocate that kind of wasteful development, my point is simple. The G7/G8 (whatever they choose to call themselves) and their citizens have no right to criticise India for polluting as a side effect of development. India's duty is to her 800 million poor people, not to cutting down CO2 emissions and being efficient when no one else really cares.

A Guide to NITK Mess Food

Hands up, if you've missed reading articles on this blog. Come on, don't be shy. Raise them. OK. Let me rephrase that: Please raise your hands. Pretty Please? Damn you, philistines :D
After a particularly horrible month of mess food, I've got to say something. Those who share the same fate as I do, (read: NITKians) please feel free to skip this, as it's going to be a pointless rendition of facts you already know.
Right then. Let's get started. In the popular style of guide books, I've divided this post into 2 "tours" each showcasing the very best (rather, worst) NITKS Hostels Inc. has to offer to the gastric juices.

1. The First Year Tour: This is centred around a phenomenon known simply as M2. Imagine a place that in few short weeks, makes you regret every single time you cursed your mother's cooking. Imagine a place that can cause weight loss of upto 20 kilos in a few short months. Imagine a place where the "dal" is at best inedible. Imagine a place where insects are part of the menu. Imagine a place where the breakfast makes you wish you were dreaming. Imagine no further, for NITK has such a distinguished place.
   M2. The stuff of legend. Where food comes to be transformed into something entirely different. For those scratching their heads, M2 is short for Mysore Mess 2. (The "Mysore" is supposed to signify the type of cuisine on offer. Succulent South Indian. Why yes, pigs can indeed fly!)
   
2. The Rest of The Suffering: After the horrors of first year, the authorities decide to let you "choose" your mess. You now have the option of choosing between a "Bombay" mess and a "Mysore" mess. The first type is supposed to serve North Indian food and the other, South Indian. So far, so good. It's only when you start eating that you realise that the food just cannot be defined as having an origin. (definitely not Indian, anyway) You spend the first few months deciding where to go, carefully weighing the merits (close to the room) and the demerits (that food!?!) before realising that it's pointless. Anything and everything tastes the same. You are fed Aloo (potato, for those wondering which exotic vegetable this is), Aloo, something-I-don't-even-want-to-know-what, and more Aloo. Heck, it's cheap! By the end of your second miserable year, you become resigned to the fact that eating out is the only sane option left. After all, there's only so much weight that you can loose, right?

There you have it. A ready-to-use, authentic guide to eating on campus. To convince yourself that things are really that bad, just ask any of my taste-impaired friends. Or come and see (taste) for yourself. Dieting, anyone?

Twit Twit

Twitter. Web 2.0. Micro-blogging. Semantic web. Blah Blah.
Noticed how things are getting shorter and more invasive? From the now ancient e-mail, we've moved on to IM and Twitter. Grammar? Who needs that! Someone's telling us about how he's debating whether to go for a bath or not, and we have the gall to ask for proper English? wtf do we thnk? hes cul, nt lk us.
Who cares if you are debating about improving your personal hygiene? Who cares if you are too sleepy to think? (and by the way, if you're so sleepy, why on earth are you even at a computer to begin with?) We don't think anyone wants to know about how you spent your last ten seconds. We're not in love with you, for god's sake! (Even if we were, we wouldn't be any longer if you made it a point to tell us, every time you coughed)
Whatever happened to the days when people spent hours over a letter, sealing it with perfume (in case it was meant for their special someone) and the lot? We've now been reduced to "I lv u. guess wat i hd fr lnch?" Long conversations involving every topic under the sun have been reduced to a series of profile visits (and photo tags, for the lucky few) on Facebook.
As if telling the world what you're doing every second of every day wasn't enough, we now expect everyone to do so. Hands up, if you want to be informed every time I sneeze. Not too many, are there?
Of course, this is one side of the story. The other side is that there is no escaping the fact that web 2.0 is a fantastic place to sell something. The amount of buzz that can be generated from a Facebook campaign is phenomenal. Just ask Obama. Connecting with people has never been easier. However, what we do with those connections leaves a lot to be desired. A few tags/comments really doesn't do justice to ten years' worth of common experience, does it?

Um, where did you say you were from, again?

This post is dedicated to my roots/origins. For all those who don't know me well enough, I'm half-Punjabi and half-Tamilian. (a stunned silence grips the audience... a few comments ripple through - "he's Tam??? No way. Wait a minute, he just can't be Punjabi either.") As has been well documented by some of my friends, I can barely speak either of my parents' native languages. The only language I can call myself competent in, is English. (shouts of "barely!" ring through the gathering)
Upon hearing my origins, people's responses have been about as varied as they come. Here are a few which I found funny:
1) "Yeah, right" - followed by laughter.
2) "What???" - accompanied with a blank expression.
3) "Impossible!" - the person went on to list a few reasons why I just cannot be tamilian. (I personally think that he was mortified at the fact that I'm half like him) Unfortunately, most of this was said in pure Madras Tamil. I stand a reasonably better chance at Latin.
4) "Eh! No way" - said with a conspiratorial smile. (just who are you trying to fool, eh?)
5) "Oh, that explains it" - and not a word more. Very discomforting.
6) "Ah, OK" - as if accepting the fact that these sort of things happen from time to time. An odd mistake here and there isn't all that bad.
7) "You're joking!" - um, yes. Don't you think I'd have come up with something a little more believable?
8) "Enna da?" - Did you not hear what I said about the language(s)???
Talk about National Integration...

Going Home

The other day I had an interesting conversation with one of my friends. ("Uh, oh - 'interesting' he said" seems to sum up your thoughts, doesn't it? I'll save you the trouble and warn you that this post is a bit serious...)
The friend in question was returning home after a gap of almost 10 months. Her family had moved from Bangalore, her home-town. I asked her if she was happy at the prospect of going home. She said something to the effect that if she was returning to Bangalore, she would be undoubtedly happy. Since she wasn't, she had mixed feelings.
It got me thinking. What would I feel if I had to return to some place alien, even though I lived there? I guess this is a very personal question. Being a boring, lazy, no-frills (a.k.a. socially-impaired) sort of chap, I wouldn't mind. I'd enjoy going back home just as much as I do now. Who cares if I hardly know anyone? I hardly meet anyone when I go back home anyway. I'm too busy eating/reading (novels, not any other kind of book)/sleeping to bother.
I suppose the feeling will be different for different kinds of people. The socially-active, energetic and lively sort (read normal) will probably miss their friends. People who love to travel will relish the fact that they're in a completely new environment. What would you (yes, you - the reader - if you've read till here, that is) feel? Happy/Sad/Mixed? Feel free to answer, comments aren't just to make fun of me :D.