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Saturday, December 20, 2008

English, Please.

Have you noticed how people write SMSs these days? Trying to fit everything you just have to say into 160 odd characters isn't easy. And there is absolutely no other way to get this information across to the unfortunate receiver.
What's that? A call? Have you lost your mind? Here's what people prefer instead:

Person A (in a real big hurry): wht u dng? pls cm hr qck. gtg to lnch.
Person B (first-time SMSer): eh? you're not making any sense. please repeat.
Person A: gt hr qck. nd to tty. ugnt.
Person B: eh? what on earth are you talking about? please repeat.
Person A (really irritated by this time): u crzy or wht? cm hr nw.
Person B (still lost in attempted translation): what do you mean "crzy". you are "crzy". (whatever that means) please for god's sake repeat.
Person A (giving up): frgt it. u sck.
Person B (angry by now): what do you mean "sck"? and please USE vowels. they're not illegal, you know.
Person A (puzzled): "vowels"??? whts tht?

Granted, that was a bit of creative license on my part. I don't think we've reached the stage where we start to communicate with that sort of language. Not yet, anyway.
Have no fear, for slowly, but surely, we're getting there. The other day, I was reading my sister's IM (Instant Message) conversation with one of her "frnds". I'm not exaggerating when I say that I took at least ten minutes to figure out what the two of them were talking about. True, their language had a few more vowels than what I've put down, but it was discomfortingly close. In a few years, we're going to have an SMS language that's closer to gobbledegook than English. On that note, here's a business prospect that is sure to succeed: A dictionary that will translate SMS lingo to plain old English and most importantly, vice-versa. It's guaranteed to sell, given the millions of uber-cool teenagers that suddenly find themselves learning English as a seemingly foreign language.

8 comments:

Amrut said...

with the advent of t9 dictionaries in almost all phones, now its lot more convenient on both sender's and receiver's end. so i have my doubts abt the business propspect.

Vikram said...

hmmm... I'm not sure that many people use it. I know a lot of people who are proud to be able to understand short forms of normal words. Needless to say, when it comes to real writing, they're going to be all at sea.

True, a dictionary seems unnecessary but that won't stop the language going to the dogs.

bala said...

what the hell were you doing sneaking around and reading your sister's conversations?!

Vikram said...

Not sneaking. I asked her if it was OK. And she does the same, anyway.

Layfield said...

I find it easier to type normally. Dictionary has everything. Typing 'frgt' is a royal skewer!

Vikram said...

The post refers to IM conversations in specific. I'm not sure if there's a T9 equivalent available.

Merin Mandanna said...

Dictionary? heh.
It really is so frustrating to have to read messages like that. Cold blooded murder of the language!

Anonymous said...

spice up your life, gulati.