It's All About The Money

Warning: Serious post ahead.
Money. Cash. Paisa. Kaas. Duudu. (Hope I got all the vernaculars right...) Anyway, you've probably got the point of this article by now. As the cheesy line goes, "It's all about the money, honey." How true! I think everything done by most people is centered around earning more of the green stuff. Why are we studying? Why do we want to do an M.S. or an M.B.A.? Because we like it and want to learn more about it for the pure and simple joy of enlightenment? Please. Give me a break! We're doing it because it'll help us rake in truck loads of cash. 75% of people at NITK joined the college for its placements. (Different matter that they maybe wondering where on earth the companies have gone courtesy the recession and other personnel factors...) The remaining 25% have joined because it offers a (slightly) better chance for pursuing a higher degree. Ultimately, everyone here wants to make money. Full stop.
But are we (by this I mean the world) doing the right thing? Do we even bother about human relations other than our families? Most of us would readily back-stab a friend for power/money. (With power comes money and vice versa, so they're really the same thing.) Friendship? Who needs that? Friendship is for powerless losers. All we need is a fat bank balance and twenty minions to order around as we see fit. An average software engineer works about 50-60 hours a week. 60 hours every week till they turn 45 when they start working even more. How many times have they stopped to admire the way rain falls? Or to see the moon play hide-and-seek in between wispy clouds? The closest some of them have come is youtube. Sad. Even exercise is indoors in a controlled 24 degree atmosphere. No more green grass, open air, chirping birds, fluttering leaves in a gentle breeze... in short, no more mother Nature. Who needs her? We've got power yoga followed by an expensive laughter session coupled with Rs. 150 (introductory offer) organic energy drinks. We're too busy caught up in money making schemes to bother with anything else. The world could on the brink of an ecological catastrophe and we'll just continue burning oil while make our useless millions. No matter that we're destroying the only home we'll ever have, we just continue pursuing that elusive rupee. No matter that we're dying younger than ever before, (due to stress, cardiac problems etc.) we just continue pursuing that elusive dollar. No matter that we don't have the compassion to at least think about those less fortunate than us, we just continue pursuing that elusive pound. Let's hope we don't pay our pound of flesh for it. Because that would be one really heavy pound.

Ways to Win An Argument

Stuck in an argument with someone? Feel like thrashing him to within an inch of his life? Wondering why he doesn't just let you win? After all, how can you loose? You're undoubtedly and unerringly correct. 100%.
Just so that everyone else realises that tiny fact, (come on, they're a bit slow... give them a little leeway) here are a few tips to help you win any argument:
1) Scream at the TOP of your lungs, eyes bulging and swear words at two/sentence. Also throw in a bit of LOUD laughter and 3 weeks worth of beard and you have a winning combination.
2) Make up absolutely and positively nonsensical points to support your already thin argument. Throw in a bit of 'yo!' and 'daaasaaaa' and you're guaranteed success, every single time.
3) Walk away in the middle of the argument. That way you can at least save face by avoiding an embarrassing defeat. (Works only when you realise that you were completely wrong before your opponent) In case you're really lucky, they might even mistake your cowardly flight for utter disdain that comes with superior knowledge. (personal experience here - no jokes)
4) Keep shut. This is to be used as a last resort whenever things get really sticky. Use it when any and every thing you say will only make you look more foolish. (hard to think that's possible, isn't it?)
5) Shaaata-Thu. The classic. Need I say more?

NPS (I) Lingo

Yes, I've written about this before. No, the content is not the same.
NPS Indiranagar. The place of study for some of Bangalore's brains like NV (CBSE 98.2% - what more can I say?), Mukund Kaimal (IIT rank 150 w/o much effort - genius), Anoosh (similar story - only with a 'bad' rank of 360!) etc. You get the picture don't you? NPSi can also start its own 'Sloggers Inc.' without too much hassle. With the kind of people around, they wouldn't have any problem whatsoever recruiting top-notch company representatives. As an outsider, I was all at sea. Apart from the astoundingly high concentration of brains - although profoundly lacking in other departments - what I found really different was the varied, twisted use of language there. There were certain phrases that proved that you were pedigree NPSi material. Let me list them out for the benefit of those going - "See, I told you so. Gulati's definitely off his rocker."
1) Aaaaasaaaaa: Not me leaning on the keyboard in a near trance condition, this is perhaps the most widely used NPSi-ism. What can it possibly mean? An expression of pain? A joyful rendition of the plagiarized school song? A statement that enables the speaker to truly join the environment of the school? Bala's favourite expression with an added 's'? Not exactly. It is more of an expression along the likes of: Oh, really? Tell me something new. It's used as follows:
Person 1: The world is round, what a marvel!
Person2: (Instead of "tell me something new") Aaaaaasaaaa....
2) Biting: This one has much more sensible roots. The guys who came up with this were probably inspired by the traditional British saying: "He's barking mad". Only it's been modified first to "biting mad" and then simply "biting". Usage:
Person 1: I'm going to sleep at ten tonight, not studying anything.
Person2 to Person3 behind Person 1's back: Heard him, he's biting.
3) Laapet: OK. I don't think this one could have come from the english language in any form. Could be some regional language behind it. Not too sure on that one. What I do know is that this expression is never used without the hand clenched in a fist except for the little finger extended outwards and the thumb straight upwards. Sort of like an 'L'. There, not too hard is it? The meaning is quite simple as well:
Person 1: I'm the best. I top the class without studying at all.
Person 2: Laapet. You don't fool me...
Well, that's about it. My two years at NPSi were immensely enjoyable and certainly colourful (to say the least!), not helped in a small part by these fabulous examples of free speech. I don't remember much more, but I would definitely welcome more examples.

The Best (or Worst - depends on your point of view) Pick-up Lines

First off, let me clarify. All the below statements are nothing but the pure, undisputed truth. Cross my heart, no fabrications what so ever.
I thought I'd list out a few pick-up lines that I heard so far. Nothing but the unvarnished truth, I tell you! These were heard by self or related to me by sources whose integrity is above question. Please feel free to use them without any fear of a copyright. (except no. 3)
1) "I love Rajasthani lassi" - OK. Assuming there is something called Rajasthani "lassi", the line would work perfectly - if you were looking at a homely, loves-cooking-and-serving-darling-boyfriend/husband girl from the state with the alleged milk product. Now the question is: Would you really want her?
2) "I got 98.1% in my 12th board exams" - Wow! I don't think there could be any other response. I mean 98.1??? Get out of here. The girl knows she's getting the cream-of-crop so to speak.
3) "Tweeeee(n)ty" (Alternately - "My name is Heda") - Statutory Warning: This works only on BD/Sharon. It will, repeat will backfire if used on anyone else. (boy or girl, we all have our standards!)
4) "I kinda maybe wanna not-sure-really go umm.... perhaaaps... out wiiiiiiiith.... you" - OK. Any self respecting girl would leave after the 'maybe'. I really don't know what this guy was thinking. I don't think he realised that he wasn't in the chem lab anymore, faced with a particularly shady titration value.

Please feel free to add some that you've heard of. Again, honesty is the best policy ;)