English, Please.

Have you noticed how people write SMSs these days? Trying to fit everything you just have to say into 160 odd characters isn't easy. And there is absolutely no other way to get this information across to the unfortunate receiver.
What's that? A call? Have you lost your mind? Here's what people prefer instead:

Person A (in a real big hurry): wht u dng? pls cm hr qck. gtg to lnch.
Person B (first-time SMSer): eh? you're not making any sense. please repeat.
Person A: gt hr qck. nd to tty. ugnt.
Person B: eh? what on earth are you talking about? please repeat.
Person A (really irritated by this time): u crzy or wht? cm hr nw.
Person B (still lost in attempted translation): what do you mean "crzy". you are "crzy". (whatever that means) please for god's sake repeat.
Person A (giving up): frgt it. u sck.
Person B (angry by now): what do you mean "sck"? and please USE vowels. they're not illegal, you know.
Person A (puzzled): "vowels"??? whts tht?

Granted, that was a bit of creative license on my part. I don't think we've reached the stage where we start to communicate with that sort of language. Not yet, anyway.
Have no fear, for slowly, but surely, we're getting there. The other day, I was reading my sister's IM (Instant Message) conversation with one of her "frnds". I'm not exaggerating when I say that I took at least ten minutes to figure out what the two of them were talking about. True, their language had a few more vowels than what I've put down, but it was discomfortingly close. In a few years, we're going to have an SMS language that's closer to gobbledegook than English. On that note, here's a business prospect that is sure to succeed: A dictionary that will translate SMS lingo to plain old English and most importantly, vice-versa. It's guaranteed to sell, given the millions of uber-cool teenagers that suddenly find themselves learning English as a seemingly foreign language.

Dirt

Warning: Slightly serious post below.

I've noticed something about us Indians. In general, we tend to treat ourselves like dirt. Anything good that we do is more often than not met with comments like "How long will it last" or something to that effect. Any facility provided (by the govt.) for our comfort (yes, it does happen, even in India) is often hardly used or better still, mis-used. Case in point: My department labs. The standard procedure in our labs to switch off the air-conditioners towards the end of the session (generally an hour before). This is followed irrespective of whether students or teachers are in the lab. Presumably, this bright idea was conceived during the rainy season (for the uninitiated, my college has two seasons - heavy rain or intense heat) and was deemed reasonable. Unfortunately, someone forgot to change this rule (of sorts) with the change in season.
All right, all right. What's a bit of heat? I don't mind sweating it out a bit for the sake of the planet.
What I do not appreciate is double standards. During today's lab, we had a professor/student who had come from abroad. (possibly European?) By this time the AC had been switched off as per the rules. Promptly, the lab in-charge switched them on again. Why? So that we can impress the foreigner with the fact that we have ACs as well? So that he wouldn't feel the full heat of our miserable summer? Why does something have to be provided only to him. If he gets to benefit at the expense of my government's money, why can't I? Why do I have to suffer in 100% humidity when an alternative is available? It's because I'm a lowly Indian and hence I don't deserve it.
That's the problem with us. We treat ourselves like dirt and cry foul when the rest of the world does the same.

Status Messages :-) (Part 3)

This just goes on and on. I'm not sure that this batch of status messages are funnier that the last lot, but I'll put them up anyway. (owing to complete, utter and absolute boredom) Here's what caught my eye:
1) "Affected with DWS! Dota Withdrawal Syndrome": Hmmm... For the uninitiated, let me clarify that this is not a drug-addict trying to stay off the stuff. And yes, Dota is that famous game, Defense of the blah-blah. (I can almost hear the shouts of "heretic") Now let's get to the actual status message. Here is a guy, at home for the vacations, complaining about the lack of a... video game. Tah dah! Forget water (actually there when you need it - unlike college), food (amazing - unlike college) and electricity (reasonably continous - unlike college). We want DOTA. We want mind-numbing alternate reality. We want mass hypnotism. We want DOTA. One thing I'll concede though - At least the chap wasn't missing WoW. What is WoW? Check my previous post for the details. It'll tell you all you need to know.
2) So-and-so "is aaaaaarrrrghhing": One, two, three... Six. Yes, I got the number of a's right. I'm a bit confused. Just what does this mean? Is this chap trying (unsuccessfully, apparently) to clear his throat? Is he trying to impress us with his (unheard, thankfully) vocal talent? I'm not sure even he knows.
3) "Lord Percy Percy": Here's a classic. Just what does this mean? This late at night, I'm not even close to guessing what went on in this person's mind. Can someone enlighten me? And who the f*** is Percy anyway?
Well, these were a few status messages that I found funny. (this being the key part...) Does anyone else have any others?

P.S. This article is meant to be taken in a lighter vein. Nothing personal.