The other day I witnessed a few of my friends "updating" their resumes. OK. That's normal. Then I decided to actually read some of the sentences in them. Before I tell you what caught my eye, let me explain how 19 somethings actually write these documents. In terms of work we haven't done much. That's a fact. Unfortunately, none of us can put that down on paper. Why shoot ourselves in the foot? To get around this tiny problem, what we do is this:
1) Twist any and every fact to exaggerate the amount of work done. Fetching water/tea/coffee becomes "helped out in crucial office tasks" and spell checking becomes "proof-reading and content verification".
2) Blow the importance of what we did sky-high. Things like writing internal memos that everyone ignores become "tasks crucial to the corporation's functioning." A job as insignificant as searching the yellow pages for a florist morphs into "important conference arrangements".
3) Play up what we learnt. Did I say "play up"? I meant make up. Most of us learnt nothing noteworthy in our respective summer jobs/projects/interns. Of course, saying this would be a fool-proof to ensure that we never get such opportunities again. As a result, we write things like "worked on a variety of projects, each providing invaluable experience regarding the functioning of the blah blah". Or "contributed significantly towards the completion of so-and-so task". Notice how none of us give out any specifics. The key is ambiguity. The more of it the better.
4) Hype up things like the place at which we did our intern/project. Institutes suddenly become "premier" and companies "globally renowned". Leave out the fact that they may be liquidated at any moment.
5) A perennial favourite: Put down all our achievements, however insignificant they may be. 90% in the tenth board exams? Wow! We've got to mention that. It's sure to be something that'll help us a lot with a VLSI project. Member of an environmental awareness group? Put it down, ignoring the fact that we couldn't care less if the earth literally melted away.
Well, there you have it. A nice way to read into the resumes of 19-20 somethings. A pinch of salt? Better make it the entire bottle :D
temple by the sea
14 years ago
13 comments:
Lol, Well done Gul-Gulu. I'd love to see yours someday
Unfortunately most CV's require your X and XII marks,so you have no other option but to include these grades.
Resume building in 3rd year? What for?
T
We're jobless, aren't we? :D
Mr. Gulati
You write exceptionally well. Your incisive analysis of all things that dare to exist is immensely entertaining to say the least.It is however, very tragic, that you write not so often. The lovers of your skill, wit and cerebration cannot be satiated with 'blogs-once-in-a-while'
Ardent Fan
Ahem... A little less sarcasm might be in order.. Makes it believable... (I'd actually believe you if you gave me your name :D)
Oh no, Mr. Gulati. You misinterpret my comments. I do not belong to the city you honour. I am from Delhi. Lol..
AF
eh? What city? And what does AF stand for? (It's hardly a name, you know...) I'd like to know who you are at the very least, forget what your comments were...
P.S. Please call me Vikram. "Mr. Gulati" makes me sound forty.
And are you sure about the Delhi part? Maybe you'd like tell me where you're really from... Come on, I'll make this fun. It's the good old fifty-fifty. Pick an option: 1)Bombay 2)Bangalore. Based on your choice, I'll give you further questions... Go on, don't be shy :)
Maybe my options were too general. Try 1)Kandivli 2)How-on-earth-did-he-guess-that??? There, isn't that more helpful? :D
You missed out on choice C, Vikram. That's the one I would have picked (None of the above/ Delhi).
It would have been nicer if you'd let your imagination run beyond Kandivli. Perhaps I belong to the publication world. Perhaps we scan a zillion blogs everyday--to find that one blog that shows the glint of a literary potential. Perhaps some of us don't hear an opportunity knocking. Perhaps that's the way your generation takes compliments(quite like the theatre, sometimes an exaggerated comment compensates for personal absence).
Vaidehi Sharma
I thought you'd be smart enough to make out what AF stood for.
Damn.. I knew I was half deaf. Well, there you go. That's my generation for you. In any case, I apologise. (if the compliment was genuine)
P.S. I did figure out what AF stood for. Sadly, I needed a name. (Call me old fashioned)
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