You Know That You Need A Social Life

I realise that NITK isn't exactly a bohemian hot-spot and that I don't really fit the party-hopping stereotype, (as my sister loves to point out - "you're soooo boring!") but this December was a real social low. Here's a handy list to know when you need a new social life:

1. The only messages you get on your phone are Google Calendar reminders (pick up such-and-such form, pay so-and-so bill etc.)
   
2. You keep your phone switched off for nearly two weeks and don't miss a single call/message/S.O.S./whatever (even the said reminders choose not to arrive!)
3. The only sound your phone makes is due to the morning alarm.
   
4. Your cell-phone balance (of Rs. 30) remains nearly the same for over a month.
5. You spend a lot of time staring at a nearly empty GTalk list, wondering who is still undisturbed (read not-yet-contemplating-justifiable-homicide) by your boredom.
6. You start writing about random events (you should read some of the drafts on this blog - even I find them nonsensical)
7. You find yourself alone on New Year's Eve (even my parents and sister decided to give me the slip :D)
8. Your childhood friends become extra-busy, so much so that you are cut off mid-sentence with promises of "I'll call you back" which never materialise.
9. Your favourite songs are those about heartaches, loss, sadness, rainy nights and silence.
10. You open your mail-box on the hour, every hour, hoping for some signs of your friends.
11. Your only mails are from News and Techno-geek websites. (apart from regular Calendar reminders :P)
    

The high point over the past three weeks would have to be a brilliant vacation that I really enjoyed. Apart from that, it was a bit of a depressing end to the decade. Thankfully, things are beginning to look up, now that I'm back in college. Happy New Year!

21

This post is a tad late (apart from being perhaps the most random thing that I've ever written - I blame it on utter boredom), considering the fact that I turned 21 a couple of months ago. Turning 21 ought to be a watershed moment in a person's life, considering the fact that the said person should have (by now) at least a faint inkling of what he/she wants to do with his/her life. In that regard, I'm still lost in the proverbial jungle of confusion. All I'm sure about is what I don't want to do. Philosophical rambling apart, here's a list of things that I can now, legally and legitimately given my "mature" age (please note that the audience laughter sign is being held up), choose to do.

1. Legally Purchase Alcohol (in most states of India): Yesssss! This is the big moment that I've been waiting for. Till now, I've been the model of sobriety only because the law says that I have to. Now I can really break loose. Gone are the days of restraint. No longer am I bound by the shackles of our legal system. I don't need to fear anyone, for I can now legally demand my single-malt-scotch-on-the-rocks. (read coke-spiked-with-Mysore-Lancer) Muhahaha (Audience benefits from evil laughter sound), no one can stop me now!
   What's that? In the two months since my birthday (and for as long as I can remember - in spite of plenty of opportunities to change the status-quo), I've been as sober as a judge? Doesn't that toss the "21-I'm-free-time-to-get-wild" theory right out the window? Well, as they say, there's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip :P
   
2. Officially Get Married: (Audience may now collectively gasp) Wow! Here's something that I just can't wait to do. Oh, joy! I've been dying to let myself into a hallowed life of boredom and monotony. Let me go through the check list needed to ensure that "the big day" goes off smoothly. Willing groom (Audience may NOT laugh) - check. Location (Audience is left wondering - think "cheap", heck "free") - check. Willing Bride - hmmm... Damn! I knew I forgot something. Let me start with something simpler. Steady Girlfriend? Nope. Any Girlfriend, ever? Nope. So where does that leave the great wedding plan? Well, as has been admirably put before, "We've been scuppered, Mate".
3. Legally Walk into a Night Club (not just in India, but anywhere in the world): Yippee! Here's something that I've always wanted to do. I'm the quintessential party animal, dude! (Audience may request for doggy-bags, to store the unpleasant effects of nausea) You cannot believe how much I've wanted to sweat it out in a smoky, hazy, ill-lit, alcohol-filled dungeon. I just love showing off my moves on the dance floor. The world of raving (literally!) lunatics is about to get a whole lot more interesting. Watch out!

Well, I've run out of activities that are legally open only to people over 21. (There's a limit to boredom, thankfully!) Have I missed out on anything interesting?

NITK Lingo - Part 2 (I think)

As the title may have suggested, I am a) Highly jobless b) Extremely bored and c) Without a source of inspiration. As a result, I have fallen back upon my tried-and-tested method of recycling old topics. I'm not too sure how many of you actually read the previous post on this topic, (I'm guessing not too many - people grow smart with experience :D) but here's a quick recap on the need for this post.
If you've ever been in a college/institution or even a particular group of friends, you would have probably come across a lot of phrases/words that mean nothing to you at first. Things like "GG", "Imba" sound like moronic babbling rather than meaningful expressions. (In case you were wondering what those two words mean, please read this - it should help) After a while, you finally begin to understand that people around you are not cretins, but are rather doing what humans do best - evolve a social custom. (What's that? Am I going to get to the point or not? Alright, alright, someone's grumpy!) Well, the point is this: NITK is (almost - don't get me started on what this place lacks with respect to human-resource) no different from any other organised society. We have a set of expressions and idioms that would make absolutely no sense whatsoever to someone on the outside. Here are my favourites:

1. "Well Played": Contrary to popular interpretations, we are not applauding sportsmanship of any kind here. We simply mean that you have successfully done something that you didn't want to other person to know you were doing, without him/her understanding what you intended on doing all along. Confused? The following conversation should make things a bit clear. Person 1 (dying to tell someone about his new shirt): "Hey, is that a new shirt?" Person 2(a little taken aback, because the shirt he is wearing is at least two years old): "No man, it's not. Hey aren't you wearing a new shirt?" Person 1: "Why yes, I am. I didn't even realise" In such a scenario, we say "well-played" (repeatedly) to Person 1.
2. "Awb" or "Ob": This one is quite straightforward. The word is simply a short-form for "obvious". Unfortunately, some people here use it to a level that would make purists of the language bay for their infidel blood. "How's the mess food?" "Awb, man" "How was class?" "Awb" "How was the exam?" "Awb" (though "GG" is an extremely popular substitute here) "How are you feeling?" "Awb" "Are you going out somewhere?" "Awb". Get the picture? It isn't exactly the Queens' English, I'm afraid.
3. "Whursht": This is a derivation from the word "worst", but it is pronounced the way I have spelt it. Basically, it means that something is really, really bad. Not just bad, (we call it "bad" then - we can still talk in usual English, you know) but really horrible. For example: "How was dinner?" "Whursht" - this means that the food was quite simply, hopeless, and you would be wise to avoid it, wallet permitting, of course.
   
4. "Pawned": This word has originated from the gaming world. (DOTA, I think) It essentially means that you've been thoroughly and positively beaten. Apart from "GG" this is another popular word to describe what happens in an examination. An example - "How was the paper?" "Got nicely pawned"

Well, there you have it. A sample of the expressions that we use, and what they actually mean. I'm sure I've missed many, so feel free to add to the list.

Twit Twit

Twitter. Web 2.0. Micro-blogging. Semantic web. Blah Blah.
Noticed how things are getting shorter and more invasive? From the now ancient e-mail, we've moved on to IM and Twitter. Grammar? Who needs that! Someone's telling us about how he's debating whether to go for a bath or not, and we have the gall to ask for proper English? wtf do we thnk? hes cul, nt lk us.
Who cares if you are debating about improving your personal hygiene? Who cares if you are too sleepy to think? (and by the way, if you're so sleepy, why on earth are you even at a computer to begin with?) We don't think anyone wants to know about how you spent your last ten seconds. We're not in love with you, for god's sake! (Even if we were, we wouldn't be any longer if you made it a point to tell us, every time you coughed)
Whatever happened to the days when people spent hours over a letter, sealing it with perfume (in case it was meant for their special someone) and the lot? We've now been reduced to "I lv u. guess wat i hd fr lnch?" Long conversations involving every topic under the sun have been reduced to a series of profile visits (and photo tags, for the lucky few) on Facebook.
As if telling the world what you're doing every second of every day wasn't enough, we now expect everyone to do so. Hands up, if you want to be informed every time I sneeze. Not too many, are there?
Of course, this is one side of the story. The other side is that there is no escaping the fact that web 2.0 is a fantastic place to sell something. The amount of buzz that can be generated from a Facebook campaign is phenomenal. Just ask Obama. Connecting with people has never been easier. However, what we do with those connections leaves a lot to be desired. A few tags/comments really doesn't do justice to ten years' worth of common experience, does it?

Um, where did you say you were from, again?

This post is dedicated to my roots/origins. For all those who don't know me well enough, I'm half-Punjabi and half-Tamilian. (a stunned silence grips the audience... a few comments ripple through - "he's Tam??? No way. Wait a minute, he just can't be Punjabi either.") As has been well documented by some of my friends, I can barely speak either of my parents' native languages. The only language I can call myself competent in, is English. (shouts of "barely!" ring through the gathering)
Upon hearing my origins, people's responses have been about as varied as they come. Here are a few which I found funny:
1) "Yeah, right" - followed by laughter.
2) "What???" - accompanied with a blank expression.
3) "Impossible!" - the person went on to list a few reasons why I just cannot be tamilian. (I personally think that he was mortified at the fact that I'm half like him) Unfortunately, most of this was said in pure Madras Tamil. I stand a reasonably better chance at Latin.
4) "Eh! No way" - said with a conspiratorial smile. (just who are you trying to fool, eh?)
5) "Oh, that explains it" - and not a word more. Very discomforting.
6) "Ah, OK" - as if accepting the fact that these sort of things happen from time to time. An odd mistake here and there isn't all that bad.
7) "You're joking!" - um, yes. Don't you think I'd have come up with something a little more believable?
8) "Enna da?" - Did you not hear what I said about the language(s)???
Talk about National Integration...

English, Please.

Have you noticed how people write SMSs these days? Trying to fit everything you just have to say into 160 odd characters isn't easy. And there is absolutely no other way to get this information across to the unfortunate receiver.
What's that? A call? Have you lost your mind? Here's what people prefer instead:

Person A (in a real big hurry): wht u dng? pls cm hr qck. gtg to lnch.
Person B (first-time SMSer): eh? you're not making any sense. please repeat.
Person A: gt hr qck. nd to tty. ugnt.
Person B: eh? what on earth are you talking about? please repeat.
Person A (really irritated by this time): u crzy or wht? cm hr nw.
Person B (still lost in attempted translation): what do you mean "crzy". you are "crzy". (whatever that means) please for god's sake repeat.
Person A (giving up): frgt it. u sck.
Person B (angry by now): what do you mean "sck"? and please USE vowels. they're not illegal, you know.
Person A (puzzled): "vowels"??? whts tht?

Granted, that was a bit of creative license on my part. I don't think we've reached the stage where we start to communicate with that sort of language. Not yet, anyway.
Have no fear, for slowly, but surely, we're getting there. The other day, I was reading my sister's IM (Instant Message) conversation with one of her "frnds". I'm not exaggerating when I say that I took at least ten minutes to figure out what the two of them were talking about. True, their language had a few more vowels than what I've put down, but it was discomfortingly close. In a few years, we're going to have an SMS language that's closer to gobbledegook than English. On that note, here's a business prospect that is sure to succeed: A dictionary that will translate SMS lingo to plain old English and most importantly, vice-versa. It's guaranteed to sell, given the millions of uber-cool teenagers that suddenly find themselves learning English as a seemingly foreign language.

Status Messages :-) (Part 3)

This just goes on and on. I'm not sure that this batch of status messages are funnier that the last lot, but I'll put them up anyway. (owing to complete, utter and absolute boredom) Here's what caught my eye:
1) "Affected with DWS! Dota Withdrawal Syndrome": Hmmm... For the uninitiated, let me clarify that this is not a drug-addict trying to stay off the stuff. And yes, Dota is that famous game, Defense of the blah-blah. (I can almost hear the shouts of "heretic") Now let's get to the actual status message. Here is a guy, at home for the vacations, complaining about the lack of a... video game. Tah dah! Forget water (actually there when you need it - unlike college), food (amazing - unlike college) and electricity (reasonably continous - unlike college). We want DOTA. We want mind-numbing alternate reality. We want mass hypnotism. We want DOTA. One thing I'll concede though - At least the chap wasn't missing WoW. What is WoW? Check my previous post for the details. It'll tell you all you need to know.
2) So-and-so "is aaaaaarrrrghhing": One, two, three... Six. Yes, I got the number of a's right. I'm a bit confused. Just what does this mean? Is this chap trying (unsuccessfully, apparently) to clear his throat? Is he trying to impress us with his (unheard, thankfully) vocal talent? I'm not sure even he knows.
3) "Lord Percy Percy": Here's a classic. Just what does this mean? This late at night, I'm not even close to guessing what went on in this person's mind. Can someone enlighten me? And who the f*** is Percy anyway?
Well, these were a few status messages that I found funny. (this being the key part...) Does anyone else have any others?

P.S. This article is meant to be taken in a lighter vein. Nothing personal.

Writing A Resume

The other day I witnessed a few of my friends "updating" their resumes. OK. That's normal. Then I decided to actually read some of the sentences in them. Before I tell you what caught my eye, let me explain how 19 somethings actually write these documents. In terms of work we haven't done much. That's a fact. Unfortunately, none of us can put that down on paper. Why shoot ourselves in the foot? To get around this tiny problem, what we do is this:
1) Twist any and every fact to exaggerate the amount of work done. Fetching water/tea/coffee becomes "helped out in crucial office tasks" and spell checking becomes "proof-reading and content verification".
2) Blow the importance of what we did sky-high. Things like writing internal memos that everyone ignores become "tasks crucial to the corporation's functioning." A job as insignificant as searching the yellow pages for a florist morphs into "important conference arrangements".
3) Play up what we learnt. Did I say "play up"? I meant make up. Most of us learnt nothing noteworthy in our respective summer jobs/projects/interns. Of course, saying this would be a fool-proof to ensure that we never get such opportunities again. As a result, we write things like "worked on a variety of projects, each providing invaluable experience regarding the functioning of the blah blah". Or "contributed significantly towards the completion of so-and-so task". Notice how none of us give out any specifics. The key is ambiguity. The more of it the better.
4) Hype up things like the place at which we did our intern/project. Institutes suddenly become "premier" and companies "globally renowned". Leave out the fact that they may be liquidated at any moment.
5) A perennial favourite: Put down all our achievements, however insignificant they may be. 90% in the tenth board exams? Wow! We've got to mention that. It's sure to be something that'll help us a lot with a VLSI project. Member of an environmental awareness group? Put it down, ignoring the fact that we couldn't care less if the earth literally melted away.
Well, there you have it. A nice way to read into the resumes of 19-20 somethings. A pinch of salt? Better make it the entire bottle :D

Ways to Win An Argument

Stuck in an argument with someone? Feel like thrashing him to within an inch of his life? Wondering why he doesn't just let you win? After all, how can you loose? You're undoubtedly and unerringly correct. 100%.
Just so that everyone else realises that tiny fact, (come on, they're a bit slow... give them a little leeway) here are a few tips to help you win any argument:
1) Scream at the TOP of your lungs, eyes bulging and swear words at two/sentence. Also throw in a bit of LOUD laughter and 3 weeks worth of beard and you have a winning combination.
2) Make up absolutely and positively nonsensical points to support your already thin argument. Throw in a bit of 'yo!' and 'daaasaaaa' and you're guaranteed success, every single time.
3) Walk away in the middle of the argument. That way you can at least save face by avoiding an embarrassing defeat. (Works only when you realise that you were completely wrong before your opponent) In case you're really lucky, they might even mistake your cowardly flight for utter disdain that comes with superior knowledge. (personal experience here - no jokes)
4) Keep shut. This is to be used as a last resort whenever things get really sticky. Use it when any and every thing you say will only make you look more foolish. (hard to think that's possible, isn't it?)
5) Shaaata-Thu. The classic. Need I say more?

The Best (or Worst - depends on your point of view) Pick-up Lines

First off, let me clarify. All the below statements are nothing but the pure, undisputed truth. Cross my heart, no fabrications what so ever.
I thought I'd list out a few pick-up lines that I heard so far. Nothing but the unvarnished truth, I tell you! These were heard by self or related to me by sources whose integrity is above question. Please feel free to use them without any fear of a copyright. (except no. 3)
1) "I love Rajasthani lassi" - OK. Assuming there is something called Rajasthani "lassi", the line would work perfectly - if you were looking at a homely, loves-cooking-and-serving-darling-boyfriend/husband girl from the state with the alleged milk product. Now the question is: Would you really want her?
2) "I got 98.1% in my 12th board exams" - Wow! I don't think there could be any other response. I mean 98.1??? Get out of here. The girl knows she's getting the cream-of-crop so to speak.
3) "Tweeeee(n)ty" (Alternately - "My name is Heda") - Statutory Warning: This works only on BD/Sharon. It will, repeat will backfire if used on anyone else. (boy or girl, we all have our standards!)
4) "I kinda maybe wanna not-sure-really go umm.... perhaaaps... out wiiiiiiiith.... you" - OK. Any self respecting girl would leave after the 'maybe'. I really don't know what this guy was thinking. I don't think he realised that he wasn't in the chem lab anymore, faced with a particularly shady titration value.

Please feel free to add some that you've heard of. Again, honesty is the best policy ;)

Status Messages :-) (Part 2)

OK, this post is a wee bit repetitive in its topic but not its content. It is about weird and funny status messages I've come across in Gtalk. Seems like my friends are intent on giving me a good laugh every once in a while. So, here goes:
1) "Unavailable": This is what prompted me to write this article. The person in question has a nice green dot next to his name while the status was set to "Unavailable". Now who's to tell him that normal people consider green on Gtalk = available. Almost everyone (excluding members of crackpots-inc.) considers green to mean go/free/open etc. It was with this common sense knowledge that Google set green = available. Either he has a very clingy (and dumb) someone he hopes to fool or he's just plain bonkers. I have a feeling it's the latter. (Though anyone wanting to contact him that often has to be dumb)
2) "Russian Rock Machans :-)": Hmmm... What does this mean? What are its implications for the quasi-static universe of Gaudi art? Does the person who wrote this have any connections to the abyss beyond? Does he/she hope to renew longing for the metaphysical universe of retro-moderno-virtuso-writing? Your guess is as good as mine. I'm no expert on ancient calls to departed spirits :) And what's with the smiley? Anybody willing to enlighten me on the meaning of 'Machans' and how it applies to Russian rock? (whatever that is...)
3) "The Year of The Prime": OK. Prime WHAT? Jackass? Nitwit? Fool? Empty-Headed-Psychopath? I really don't think we were meant to get what it means. I'll have to report this to the committee handling the Roswell cases. Sounds suspiciously like an ET communique to me.
4) "Good God!! It's Working!! Eureka!! (no, m nt runnin around :P)": I don't even want to know what you're doing. If you're discovering the joys of something for the first time, you don't have to tell the world about it. Come on, spare us! Think of the minds that you're messing with. We're never going to be the same again. Please! Have mercy! Noooooooooo..... Btw, what are you doing anyway?

As before, I've run out of status messages I can insult. Please do add anything you can think of. We could always do with some extra laughs :)

P.S. This article is meant to be read in a lighter vein. Don't get angry, for I don't mean any harm.

Love Is...

Just what is love? Yes, that 'L' word you choose to describe in your own special way. And NO, this article makes absolutely no reference to girls. (Is that a sigh of frustration or relief that I hear? You know the saying: "Once bitten twice shy". Well, apply it here)
I thought I'd describe love in a more day-to-day manner - related to stuff that we do rather than fantasies that are just not coming true. Not yet anyway. So here goes:
Love is... What I feel towards writing. (Feel free to comment. I'm sure plenty is heading my way)
Love is... What Poi feels for Mugsy.
Love is... What Rushil feels for... (not Aditi, give me a break!) flirting with.. well innocent foreigners.
Love is... What Raghavan feels when he belts others.
Love is... What Heda feels for Sharon. (Sorry BD!)
Love is... What Sharon feels for Gamedrome (3 days w/o a bathroom break - the man's head-over-heels in love with that place)
Love is... What pEACE feels when he's on MATLAB
Love is... What Bala feels for Sheki (I can't possibly wrong on this one, can I?)
Love is... What Sheki feels when he's describing Open Source.
Love is... What Prashant has for his bike.
Love is... What Ponky feels towards the very latest gossip, news and headlines. Oh, add Obama to that list.
Love is... What Bazi feels for his Comp (and U.P.S. !)
Love is... What Vicky feels when on the phone.
Love is... I'll just leave this blank for now... Feel free to add more examples of your own.

Status Messages :-)

"An unhappy nine pointer" - Recently seen as the status message of a 'famous' second (now third) year. For most people, unhappiness and a GPA of nine are mutually exclusive. Obviously someone up there forgot to provide my friend with common sense. I do hope he realises that one of his professors gives a perfect 10 for writing DOTA stories instead of the subject. Lucky guy!!!
"Is this love?" - I really wonder what was going through this character's mind. Loss? Longing? Or was it simply the shock of having found himself a girlfriend at last? Perhaps it was the realization that he was gay after all. Dear roomie(s), I'd run and hide if I were you.
"It just had to be him" (along with a portrait shot of Barack Obama) - This is at least easy to understand. The guy's in love with poor Mr. Obama and cannot help himself when it comes to the Democratic presidential nominee. Travel advice to Mr. Obama: Please avoid visting India while this chap is around. I don't think the Secret Service can handle such threats. Just ask NITK (specifically IE) seniors.
"Status Message :P" - Now here's creativity for you. Very original. Fantastic expression of inner feelings. What prose! Mind-blowing. Outstanding. Stunning.
"From Quantum Computing to SETI, we've got it all" - Eh? Huh? Um... just what does this person hope to convey by that? Who in god's name are "we"? And what the hell is this cryptic soul talking about? I'd be interested only if "got it all" includes free food. (Funny because the person who wrote this is none other than... ahem... drumroll please... me!!! Shows how crazy I really am.)
Poor Gtalk. I would have thought that even the internet has some standards.

What Men Want (Apart from THAT)

The other day, I came across an article in the Bangalore Times. It explained how women say one thing while meaning something entirely different. The author went on to give a handy "look-up" table (don't ask me where he got that expression from) which would guide a man with regards to what women want.
That got me thinking. Do women keep a handy table to help them understand what we want? Does such a table even exist? I've never come across an article/movie with the title "What Men Want". Are we that obvious?
Hardly. I personally think we're pretty easy going and that's why no one has bothered to explain our actions. (or the lack of it) We're prepared to overlook a lot of things when we are with women. I think it has something to do with our pre-disposition to act the preux chevalier.
Have I got it right or am I sitting happily in delusion-land? I know that I'm far from simple. If I can't understand myself (after nineteen years of trying) then how can I be predictable? Maybe my better half (if and when she comes along) might need a book titled "What Gulati wants"...
Anyone willing to write it?

NITK Lingo

Here at NITK, we have a number of words which are at first glance, simply bizarre. Words like "imba", "gg", "shaata" etc. when used in front of people not from here often illicit a response like: "huh???" "what was that???" or best of all, a simple bewildered "eh???". I've often had to check myself mid-sentence and change what I was about to say. Let's face it, sentences like: "If there's a john D test tomorrow, gg only" make little or no sense to outsiders. Worse, they lower their already rock-bottom estimate of our intelligence. We go from being cretins to cretins who talk gibberish. Not good.
I've put together the words most commonly used at our institution and their intended meaning: (note - due to the evolving nature of this language, the meanings conveyed here may no longer be accurate)
1) Imba: complete version- Imbalanced, cut short to "imba". (the lesser the syllables the better) meaning- Used to describe something extraordinarily good. origin- That mother of all shag games, DOTA. The word "imba" was first used by the DOTA players in college but soon became endemic among the junta. example- "The food there is imba."
2) GG: complete version- Good Game. (again same funda as "imba" - the shorter the better) meaning- used when describing a lost cause or something that's hopeless. origin- Again, DOTA. The word is used when one side is getting thrashed. Soon all the loosing side's players begin saying "gg" implying that they've lost. The word is endemic among gamers and certain groups of second years. example- "If there's a surprise test tomorrow, its gg for us". For those of you wondering what in god's good name I'm talking about, let me translate the above phrase: "If there's a surprise test tomorrow, We're screwed."
3) Shaata: complete version- shaata itself. (the usual rule does not apply. We're not that lazy!) meaning- used to ridicule something. The word has kannada origins and I'd rather not speak about the original word's meaning. example- Idiot 1:"That book is really good." Idiot2:"Shaata. It sucks."
4) Arbit: complete version- arbitrary. meaning- something that makes no sense/something that has no reason for its existence. example- "That movie was some arbit nonsense."
Well, there you have it. Four of the most common vernaculars in college. Utter nonsense to anyone but us. The words sound like they've been formed by someone who's severely sleep-deprived and probably drugged. (hey! that reminds me of someone - rather a group of someones) They make lesser sense than Jodhaa-Akbar. However, at the end of the day, who cares? We like them and that's all that counts.

Eligible Bachelors

Twenty One. There are a lot of things you can do when you're twenty one. You're legally allowed in most states to purchase alcohol (not that being underage stops anyone), and for those desperate few, you can also get married.
To get married, you need a girl. However, finding one is not easy. In order to help my friends (and myself) out, I've put together the following profiles. These profiles are ready-to-use for any popular marriage portal.

For most of us:

H'SOME (like I'd say otherwise - beauty is in the eye of the beholder) boy 21/5'blahblah/to-be-confirmed-not-yet-placed-you-see P.A. Studying in NITK. Prospective Btech looking for b'ful, qualified girl (NO. Actually I'd like an ugly, uneducated dimwit but if you insist I'd settle for the others). Preferably single. Must meet mummy's QC. Interested parties may contact: imsokewlimgay@blahblah.com

For the picky (read raving lunatics) few:

EXCELLENT (Compared to what? The devil is in the detail) boy 21/whatever/not-to-be-disclosed-this-isn't-about-selling-myself P.A. Studying in prestigious college. Prospective Btech looking for conservative and homely girl. Manglik needn't apply. Pure brahmin heritage essential (on both sides - I'm not going to be short-changed). Height less than mine (I'm in control, not you - nyah nyah). Subversive attitude must. Girls who can't cook needn't bother applying. Interested parties may contact: male_supremist@blahblah.com